I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
whose parrot is this?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
