Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
