my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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