If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
