Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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