She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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