sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
