C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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