So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
