Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
