Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
