This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
