Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
