there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
