Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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