i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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