first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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