You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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