In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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