Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
