I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
