I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
