who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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