Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
