Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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