we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
A+ Viking dick
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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