I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
