What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
