We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
