So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
