I must be too annoying 4 u.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
