she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
