He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
