If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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