I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
