i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
