I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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