dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
