as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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