so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
