all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
