I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
