Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
