eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
