My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
