Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
