so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
