Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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