I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think my vagina is haunted
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
