I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
